If You Can't Quit...Don't Start

After another hiatus, which I will call a sabbatical, I am rejoining the blogging world. Until I forget about it again, of course. Just a warning, this is not going to be a funny post, more of a nagging post.

This entry is inspired by my dear boyfriend Adam(yes Ashly, I am using the word now) who quit smoking because he got sick of my constant nagging. For those of you that smoke and have spent more than 10 minutes with me I am quite sure that you can sympathize with what Adam had to deal with...and why he stopped. They should really do some research on the Jekyll/Hyde qualities associated with nicotine, however. This was a conversation we had at about 4 am on the second night of his withdrawals.

Jaime: "Honey, can you please move over a little bit?" (I had literally a foot of bed space)
Adam: "What? Like that's not enough room? Do you want the whole bed????"
Jaime: "No, I just want a little more room, I was falling off the bed."
Adam: "FINE. If you need me I'll be over here in this crevice" Slams himself (literally) against the wall. "Let me know if you need any more room over there."

About 2 minutes pass, plenty of time for me to fall back asleep.

Adam: "You doing alright Jaim? Have enough room?"
Jaime: *sighs* "Yes Adam, thank you"
Adam: "That's fine if you don't like cuddling with me, I see how it is" Current temp in my room: 99 degrees Farenheit.
Jaime: "Shut up Adam"
Adam: "Whatever"

As those of you who have met Adam can see, nicotine, or the lack thereof, can turn normally mild mannered, loveable people into evil, evil tyrants. So my question is this, if it's so hard to quit WHY START? It's not as if there's a lack of information covering the dangers of smoking. Yes, I understand the peer pressure thing but I have never once heard of people losing friends because they refused to smoke. I have personally tried cigarettes and found them to be completely vile. If they tasted like candy I would understand completely. I like candy. I don't like bitter foot taste. Please smokers, enlighten me. I guess that's enough of that. Just one more battle in my crusade to get everyone in the world to quit smoking. I'm proud of him for quitting. Now if only I could get him to stop leaving the little plastic things that the nicotine gum comes in all over my room....But that's a differet battle.

Alright, time to get back to my other battle against evil. I am referring to Dr. Cortex. Together Crash Bandicoot and I will defeat him and his minions.

I am still alive. Yes, it's true.

It's Fun to Stay at the YMCA

So at our YMCA you are randomly given a locker when you check in, a different locker each time. There are like 200 lockers in 6 different rows in the women's locker room. I tell you this because it leads to my question. How is it possible that EVERY SINGLE DAY I get assigned a locker in the row with the greatest quantity of naked people? Statistically this is an abberation. When I say naked people I am not talking 20 somethings that have showered after their workout so they can hurry off to their photo shoot. Oh no, these are OLD women who are taking the aquatic fitness classes. Skinny people, generally speaking, do not have to take aquatic fitness classes, as they are able to hold themselves up without the aid of liquid. This brings us to an new adjective, FAT. I just want to work out. Put my keys and sunglasses in a locker and head up to the Fitness Center. What I do not want to do is squeeze my way to my locker, which is invariably blocked by, you guessed it, an old, fat lady and politely blink at her until she loads up the dolly and gets her ass out of the way. I have accidentally touched people in my squeezing through attempts on several occasions. Let me tell you, it's hard to work out when you're nauseus. There's no way that the Village People had to deal with this.

Get Your Degree in Two Weeks!

I have finally decided what to do about that pesky higher education business, thanks to gksw5q12ex (see comments on previous post). I will obtain my degree in two weeks or less. It's fully verifiable too. Yes, I am sure everything is quite legitimate. Hell, if it only takes two weeks I might as well get 30 of them. Don't worry, I still won't be qualified for a job in Milwaukee.

To address another comment on my previous blog, I DO NOT HAVE A BOYFRIEND ASHLY. Are you trying to give me heart palpatations? For those of you who don't know, Ashly is probably the one person in the world worse at picking men to date than me. For two smart broads we sure are dumb about dudes. Oh well, we'll get ours in the end Ash, probably when we find that rainbow with the pot of attractive, successful, mature, confident, non-cheating, truth telling and, of course, well hung men at the end.

T-Dizzle, sorry I missed your Bosch appearance, I had to work pretty late. Also, I don't think I could show my face in there again for awhile. I was plastered last time I was there and I'm sure I offended someone or gave them a reason to make fun of me for all eternity. Again.

Okay, I think I got all my old buisness covered. Does anyone have any new business to discuss? Because I sure as hell don't. Our landlord just left after showing our apartment (the lease is up in September). I wasn't aware that Sandy and I wanted to move. Oh, that's right, WE DON'T. She is such a raging bitch. She looks like this cute little grandma type too. The little plant she sent us when we moved in was to throw us off and make us think that she was no, in fact, the personification of evil. Clever woman. And it almost worked. For thirty seconds.

I guess that pretty much covers it for now. I promise next time you tune in there will be either a classic rant or a classic roast waiting for you. None of this boring real life bullshit. Peace.

I Am Still Alive

So perhaps I have been a tad remiss in my blogging. Like 2 months worth of remiss. Blame Wackenhut, I always do. But seriously, I have been working so much lately that all I want to do when I get home is sleep. I worked 86 hours in this last week between That's Amore and Wackenhut. Yes, that's an eight followed by a six. You'd think I'd be rolling in the dough. Oh no, my friends, oh no. I am still as broke as ever. It is my theory that your bills will increase exponentially with your income so there is no way to ever get ahead. Of course my $160 ticket didn't help.
For those of you who I haven't talked to in the last month, I got my first ticket from the DNR. My dad is so proud!!!! It was for, get this, mountain biking on a closed trail. Yes, I, Jaime Bouvette, was mountain biking. I'm not talking patsy paved trails, I'm talking horrifyingly hard, asthma inducing, rock encrusted, steep incline, make me cry trails. And at the end of this torture was a not-so-happy DNR ranger just waiting for David (to be explained later) and I. I'm thinking $160 each is a little excessive for biking on a trail that was intended for biking but who am I to say?
Also occupying a lot of my time has been the drama that being a goddess entails. For some reason I am aquiring a fan club. For awhile I was dating David, who is a 31 year old adolescent. Cute though, GREAT arms. Fabulous arms. I miss his arms. *sigh* I'm not going to think about that. This actually ended recently with me texting him that he never needs to call me again. Yes, text. I suck. But when I call him he doesn't let me get a word in, with texting he has no choice. Also, I'm a huge weenie. Doing it in person was not an option, along with being a weenie I'm very weak.
And then there's Adam, my fellow Wackenhutter. Great guy, we have tons in common, very funny, scares the piss out of me. I'm not a relationship type person (I'm working on that) but that seems to be where this is headed. It honest to God makes me nauseus to think about it. I'm nauseus right now. I'm not sure if that's a great sign. So not ready to give up my singlehood after newly discovering that I am a Milwaukee goddess. Okay, maybe goddess is not the right word, but guys down here sure seem to appreciate chunky blonde girls. Take one of the cooks at That's Amore, for instance, who asked me out with this classic line "In June, when I get my license back and find a place to live we should go out" What??? Is that really supposed to make me want to go out with him? He is pretty funny though, that's almost as important as great arms. Almost.
This is going to have to be enough for now. I have to get to the gym before, you guessed it, work. I'm FINALLY off of 3rd shift though. I'll be working 3 to 11 Friday through Tuesday. If anyone freakishly has Wednesday and Thursday free let me know! I have to plan a journey to Marquette in the very near future. Green Bay should also be a destination, I haven't seen Trin's baby yet and haven't even talked to Julie or Dusty in months. I HATE living so far away from everyone!! Although living close doesn't seem to help. I haven't seen Sandy in literally a week. Yes, I still live with her. Okay, gym time. See you all very soon I PROMISE.

Life Without My Computer is Barely Worth Living

I have not forgotten you all!! My computer died and has been in repair for like 2 weeks. Luckily my mom bought a computer so I could check my email and such. This is all I have time for right now though. I should have my comp back soon so I'll be able to update and chat then.

From Wildcat to Golden Eagle

As many of you might have heard I was accepted at Marquette University. Yes, that’s right, my dumb/ballsy move of moving to a city that I don’t really like to go to a college I hadn’t even applied to looks like it’s going to pay off. They might even give me a scholarship. How sweet is that shit? So if you’re thinking that working 60 hours a week has already caused my personality to die a slow, horrible death then you just wait until next fall. I’ll be a virtual zombie! I can’t wait!
My acceptance means that I’m going to have to get back into college mode. This, of course, means that I have to start drinking more. (If you thought I meant studying apparently you’ve never met me). I have slowly allowed myself to get out of shape. It might even take me two tries to get that cup flipped over if I were to do it right now. And a power hour? Out of the question. I am now filled with determination to get myself back into the excellent shape I was in while attending NMU, which of course is well known for its championship caliber drinking. I’ve got a long way to go kids. Anyone who is willing to help me out in this effort to prepare myself for the rigors of going to back to school please let me know.

As I am writing this while sitting at work I can’t help but think of all the things I have learned and all the skills I have acquired because of my job with Wackenhut.

Because of Wackenhut I:
1. Can artistically write my name in several different styles (bubble, lightning bolt, block, etc) on tri-fold paper napkins.
2. Have come up with an interpretive dance to Korn’s A.D.I.D.A.S.
3. Know all the words to “Land Down Under”
4. Am a Sudoku master.
5. Can text message without looking at my phone while driving around icy corners and narrowly missing various woodland creatures.
6. Know exactly what I would do if I had a million dollars, down to the last penny.
7. Realized that I will never, ever grow out of biting my fingernails.
8. Increased my vocabulary by adding such words as “10-4”, “Copy” and “goomorninhaveagooun” That last one is my own creation. Actually, it’s just what comes out of my mouth as people come in at 5:30 am.
9. Have named all the children I will never have.
10. Discovered a cure for cancer.