People Who Think They're Funny

I think if I had to make a list of things that I hate, people who laugh at their own jokes would be at the top. Laughing at your own jokes is like patting yourself on the ass and saying "Good game, me." Sure, an occasional giggle is completely acceptable, after all sometimes it's hard to contain and laughter is contagious. If the jokes is funny enough to produce HUGE gales of laughter you're going to get caught up in the humor. Regularly laughing at your own jokes like you're the funniest thing since Jerry Seinfeld is wholey unnecessary and really rather annoying. It also makes the joke less funny. You guys seriously do not know how much I hate this. DON'T LAUGH AT YOUR OWN JOKES! The worst is when it's obvious that the person who told the joke finds it much funnier than the people he/she told it to. Why don't you just make cracks into the mirror? At least then you're guaranteed there's someone laughing just as hard as you. You're allowed to think you're funny, some people would have to be stupid not to know they're entertaining, you're even allowed to say you're funny, you're just not allowed to laugh like you're never going to stop at something that came out of your own mouth. Do we all have this? Is this clear?
Along the same lines, don't tell me a story that demonstrates how funny you think you are. If you plan on telling me a 5 minute story with the final point being some funny comment you came up with DON'T BOTHER. If it was that funny someone else will tell me about it and then I can truly appreciate your witticisms. If you tell me the story I'll be too busy thinking about your humongous ego to concentrate on the funny part.
And oh yeah, Jess, that self-quoting thing has to stop. =) People quote Einstein, Plato, and Robert Frost, not Jess Doucette.

If anyone knows how to put the links back on my profile let me know. I've tried a few things, obviously unsuccessfully.

Here are the links for those of you who peruse the blog list during work. =)

Amy-amys_anecdotes.blogspot.com
Ashly-ashlysmashly.blogspot.com
Julie-bibbidyboop.blogspot.com
Lee-highstreetblues.blogspot.com
Dusty-showstoppa.blogspot.com
Jess-howforeverfeels.blogspot.com
Carrie-nescothought.blogspot.com
Paul-paullywaullyp.blogspot.com
Nate-callmehoss.blogspot.com

Football And The Average Citizen

What is it about football that can turn your average citizen into a raving maniac? I'm not excluding myself in this assessment, as I have been known to physically injure someone when they dared to laugh at a particularly bad play (sorry Katie!). I have some maniacal tendencies anyway though, everyone knows that. I'm just interested in knowing how this one sport can come between so many people. On Sunday anyone that wears the green and gold automatically becomes my sworn enemy, the object of my ridicule and the victim of my merciless fault findings. Like day, on this fine, fine day in which the CHICAGO BEARS beat the GREEN BAY PACKERS in LAMBEAU FIELD. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This frees me from any put downs if the Vikings lose tomorrow night. I'm in the superior position, I have the upper hand, the week belongs to me. If any Packer bitches start to ask the ever so clever "What happened to the Vikings Jaime?" I can return with, hey, do you remember when the Packers lost to THE BEARS? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA. This is only factoring in the the Vikings lose which, of course, they will not. The Eagles are an awesome team but the Vikings, despite their perpetual running back problems, WILL DOMINATE! DOMINATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
See what I mean about that raving maniac stuff?

Alcohol

Why is it that every social function seems to involve drinking? Remember back in the day when a social get together generally involved pizza, Doritos, and lots of pop? I would love to go back to that. LOVE TO. If you're wondering, yes there is a reason for this anti-alcohol rant. Last night started out as an innocent Tuesday evening. It did not end the same way. For some reason I felt it necessary to take shot after shot of Wild Turkey in an effort to get my cousin's boyfriend, Tom, drunk. Oh did that plan ever backfire. I don't remember much past midnight, especially the walk home, but I do remember puking off my back porch like the champ I am. So guys, what I'm trying to get at here is that we need to get together sans alcohol more often. I'll bring the pizza, you bring the pop.
On a brighter note, we're getting a bathtub tomorrow!!! After almost a month without a shower we'll have some body cleansing apparatus. Bathtub tomorrow, shower Friday. This is beautiful!!! Last night we didn't even have a toilet. (which explains the back porch incident)
I know this is a fairly lame post but I felt that I owed something to the blog community because I've been fairly lax in my posting lately. I shall endeavor to do better.

Things That Smell Worse Than Cheese

1. Feces of Any Form
2. Tuna
3. Cat Urine
4. Old Shoes
5. Boys Locker Rooms
6. The Garbage That Was In Our Garage For Two Weeks
7. Skunks
8. Sex
9. Christina's Dog
10. My Car A Couple Months Ago After It Got All Moldy

Appreciate It Before It's Gone...Or Still There But Useless To You

You know how "they" say that you never can truly appreciate something until it's gone. That's not true. I've always appreciated my shower. Every warm droplet of body cleansing moisture. (Don't forget, moisture is the essence of wetness) AND NOW IT'S GONE. GONE!!! Have you ever tried to live without a shower in your apartment? I don't recommend it. What did people do before they could take showers? What kind of world did they live in? HOW DID THEY SURVIVE???? I feel like some sort of refugee, traveling downstairs, begging for a shower and a crust of bread if she can spare it. I am decreeing today National Hug Your Shower Day. Let it feel your love, hug it, squeeze it, call it George. Whatever you need to do.
(For those who are have not been informed of the situation or inconvenienced by me and my entourage begging a shower, the shower in our apartment has been rendered unuseable by faulty plumbing and a rotting floor)
On the upside, we are now able to use our shower if we absolutely need to. We think. Maybe. No guarantees were made by our friendly neighborhood plumber. And there's always the chance of falling through the floor and landing our wet, naked asses in Christina's kitchen.