Whistle Me This
When first discussing my job as a CPO, or security officer, people will invariably ask me "Do you get a gun?". When this response is negative it is followed up by "Well, then do you get a billy club?" to which the answer, I'm sorry to say, is still no.
But I do get a whistle.
A whistle you say? What are you going to do with a whistle? I'll tell you, my friends. A whistle is a mighty instrument of security. When you see a trespasser, what do you do? Why, you blow your whistle of course. Of they scurry to their trespasser bungalows to tell the story of how they narrowly escaped the whistle. Wild animals prowling the grounds? Never fear, whistle is here. When used in conjuction with the spotlight also provided by Wackenhut, the whistle is virtually unstoppable.
Whistles have recently gotten a bad rap. Petey Pablo made the word whistle popular, but in a negative way, as in "Blow my Whistle Bitch". Also, when people think of whistles and whistling, the Andy Griffith Show comes to mind. Well my friends, this ain't no Mayberry. Respect the whistle.
But wait, there's more. My whistle also has a lustruous layer of shiny gold paint, indication my status as a CPO. The regular security officers are only allowed silver. This comes with an added duty, as the whistle must be polished.
As if that weren't enough, the whistle comes with a chain, painted the same lovely metallic hue and approxiamately 2 feet long, which attaches to a button on the shoulder of my uniform. Doesn't this get annoying, having a whistle on a 2 foot chain swinging around? you may ask yourself. And it would, if it weren't for (wait for it....) the WHISTLE HOLDER. Yes, that's right, my uniform comes complete with transferable whistle holder. It's a simple gadget, really. Just a bar with a hook on which you place the ring that attaches the whistle to the chain. Simple, but classy. Oh so classy.
So please, I implore you, do not look at the whistle and see anything less than the mighty weapon it truly is.
5 Comments:
Errrrrrrrrrr........
I think I might want one.
Wow, you sound important now... I just have a question. I was thinking about getting a whistle myself and was wondering if I needed to apply for a concealed whistle permit if i wanted to carry it with me. Also, I really don't want to wait through the 3 day waiting period to get a whistle. Oh well, maybe I'll just get a gun.
but your character clearly states that you need a tazer gun and a gavel. No whistle.
Now I have to start all over with the logo making....
Remember, with great power comes great responsibility. Not all of the American public can weild a whistle with such authority. Well, with the exception of the dedicated men and women of mall security and referees.
Nate
WELL i GUESS YOU COULD USE THE WHISTLE ON A CHAIN AS A WEAPON AND WHIP PEOPLE WITH IT....
Post a Comment
<< Home