I Get Paid For This?

Those of you who I've talked to lately have heard me discuss how uneventful my job is. This, of course, leaves me A LOT of time for thinking. After my first shift I was struck by the realization that if someone were recording my thoughts they would think I was certifiably crazy. The next shift I decided that I would write some of them down. Keep in mind that this is a very small sampling.

7:05 a.m.: Do they call it Quaker Weight Control Oatmeal because it's so gross you can't finish it? Or that it ruins your appetite for hours to come? Because if that's true they should start marketing "Weight Control Pickled Herring" or "Weight Control Scalloped Potatoes".

8:00 a.m.: I think my least favorite phrase of all time is "void a specimen". The lady who gave me my piss test asked if I was ready to "void a specimen" and I can't get the phrase out of my head.

9:13 a.m.: What would alternative radio stations do without Blink 182, GreenDay or Nirvana? There'd be like 3 hours of dead air every day.

10:31 a.m.: How long would it take to use all of the "Invisible Tape" in the junk drawer? There are 3 rolls at 36 yards each. That's 108 yards-324 feet-3888 inches. That's a lot of tape. Also, there is absolutely nothing that we need to use tape for at any point during our daily duties. Estimate-7 1/2 years.

10:44 a.m.: Would I get fired if I dropped the truck keys down the rain grate?

12:07 p.m.: Why do I keep locking my door at work? It's inside a secured area and someone would actually have to drive past me and get checked out by me if they were going to try to steal it.

12:11 p.m.: I can't remember the last time I ate a vegetable. I like vegetables. Especially broccoli.

12:49 p.m.: A commercial claiming that "Nothing say 'I love you' like diamonds" was immediately followed by a commercial stating "nothing says love like a pair of fuzzy handcuffs" WHICH ONE IS IT?

1:39 p.m.: They should quit making teal cars. Nobody looks cool driving a teal car.

There you have it kids, some insight into my complete inane and pointless thought process. I hope none of you are dumber for the experience.