The Olympics, Some Thoughts
I'm an avid Olympics watcher. If I can't be a star athlete I might as well watch some, right? Here are some thoughts:
Snowboarding: Do the people the compete in the halfpipe have some extra chromosome that makes them completely fearless?? The simple act of trying to make it down the hill on a snowboard makes me want to wet myself, I often employ the emergency stopping mechanism, a.k.a. my ass. These people are flying seeminly hundreds of feet above the ground, just to come down and do it again but this time adding a 1080 degree rotation.
Figure Skating: Are these people made of rubber? How do they bend and stretch like that? This is one sport that I think I never would have been good at, even if I had started skating before I could walk. This makes me respect them even more (because Lord knows there are very few things I'm not good at...). Gymnastics looks hard, figure skating looks 10 times harder.
Downhill Skiing: While I realize that there are lots of downhill events in the interest of not putting my faithful readers to sleep I won't go through them individully. Actually, all I'm gonna say is DAMN I wish I could do that. Flying down the hill looks so incredibly fun and exciting. I'd kill myself, of course, but man would I look cool doing it.
Luge: There is another name for luge. It's called SLEDDING. How does one get good at this sport? And how much practice can it really take? You have to steer the luge, I know, but how hard can it be? I know I'm disrepecting all the hardworking lugers that read my blog (not too worried) but come on, if there's a 57 year old luging in the Olympics it can't be that athletic of a sport.
Speedskating: Speedskaters must have a very difficult time finding pants that fit correctly. Their thighs are HUGE. This is okay for the guys but I'm sure the girls are want to have a patch embroidered on their asses saying "It's not fat, it's muscle". I would.
Cross-Country Skiing: This is the like the chess club of the Olympic sports. The sport is intensely physically demanding and they have to work a lot harder than say, lugers, but they really can't use it as a pickup line at a bar. "So what do you do?" "I'm a cross country skiier" "Okay, but what do you do for a living" "Um, I'm a cross country skiier" "Excuse me, I think I see a skeleton team over there in the corner"
Bobsledding: A sport made popular by the John Candy classic "Cool Runnings" I compare it to driving a car down a giant laundry chute. An icy giant laundry chute. I have trouble with icy highways, icy laundry chutes are a little above my capabilities, I should think. If bobsleds had curtain airbags I would consider taking up the sport. Until then, I will leave it to the professionals.
Ski Jumping: This is another sport that looks like incredibly fun. For some reason this doesn't seem that scary to me. It's really the only way to fly without wings. Once again, I'm sure I'd kill myself long before I was meant to be killt but what a way to go.
Hockey: Everyone loves hockey. Except communists. So it follows if you don't like hockey you're a communist and should check yourself into a hospital to get a drug that will cure you of your communism.
Curling: This is probably the most made fun of sport out there but I think it looks kinda fun. Granted, very little athletic ability is actually required but that might just serve to make it extra appealing. I think I'd be one of those broomy guys though, not the thrower guy. I've never been a sharp shooter kind of person so I should probably stick to really fast sweeping.
I know there are other sports but they really don't interest me, and as this is after all my blog, I will not write about them. Feel free to fill in any holes.
9 Comments:
I love the Winter Olympics!!!!!!!
Jaime you make my day at work much more fun. I need to stop laughing now otherwise my coworkers will think I have gone off the deepend and I will become what I work with: a consumer. Oh well they probably think that I already have so I will keep laughing.
-Katie
I've noticed a Green Bay Curling Club near Lambeau Field. I think Julie and I are going to take up a new hobby. Maybe you'll see us competing in the 2010 Winter Olympics. You're invited to take part in some curling if you make it up to GB. I'll let you use your fast sweeping skills too. You can be one of the broom guys.
The olympics are evil. Not only do they rob us of our favorite NBC shows like Crossing Jordan, Medium, Joey, and The Biggest Loser..wait a second, maybe they are a good thing. Seriously, if I have to deal with anymore hype from choker Bode or some gay figure skater I'm going to go crazy. Is there a more pointless "sport" than figure skating? Lets prance around a rink for 5 mins and then let some unaccountable judges rank our preformance. Yup, thats a great sport.
If the original inventors of the games knew that we'd have snowboardcross as a sport, they'd have crumpled up that page of the notebook for sure.
Nate
hahahahahahah!!! you're funny!!! The Skeleton Team. I don't even really know what that is! I'm glad I like hockey and that I'm not a communist after all.
I don't really understand the whole "everyone loves hockey except the communists" thing. The Russians (former communists) are some of the best hockey players in the world. They have a rich tradition of hockey, If I'm missing something here please fill me in.
Dude....I totally didn't read your blog just now...I just have some comments to tell you and you aren't online...yes I could've e-mailed but this seemed easier...So I thought of you today...I was leaving work today and I saw a van coming down the road towards me...and it had on it a good two feet of fuckin' snow...JUST on the top....everything else was brushed off...hood....everything....BUT the hood...I actually found myself laughing out loud and thought to myself...I wish Jaime was here...she would laugh out loud with me and make not feel so creepy....ok...and speaking of creepy....I was at work...doin' my thang....worky work work...and what not....and the phone rings and its this LOGGER asking to speak to the person quote "pays the bills"...I raise my hand, what with that being me and all...and then I verbally said "thats me", cause he couldn't see me raising my hand...which further solidifies my point...He could not see me...correct? If anyone thinks that somehow this man on the phone could see me..please let me know....so he's talking to me and randomly asks...you sound really nice...are you married? UMMMM....WHAT? I laughed and was like um, no I"m only 23...and he made some stupid comment about being young and free...whatever, I believe at that point he was picturing my voice naked...so then when I tell him the info he wants he keeps jabberin' on...so finally he says well if you ever want to go on a date sometime let me know....ERRRR? Since when did it become acceptable to ask a complete stranger who you've never seen before in your life on a date over the phone? And I told my mom...and what does she have to say about her old spinster daughter? Quote "Maybe he's cute" Unquote...correct me again if I"m wrong but would a good looking person be so seduce by how someone treated them and spoke to them on the phone to ask them on a date?!?! Jaim, I need you...come back to the Northwoods...bring a stick or maybe your bitchy critical not afraid to say shit to any guy personality :) I could defiantely use it...The men are starting to circle...AND I'M FAT!!! haha...I realize I should've wrote my own blog...
I wish Carrie didn't write in big run-on sentences.
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