From Wildcat to Golden Eagle

As many of you might have heard I was accepted at Marquette University. Yes, that’s right, my dumb/ballsy move of moving to a city that I don’t really like to go to a college I hadn’t even applied to looks like it’s going to pay off. They might even give me a scholarship. How sweet is that shit? So if you’re thinking that working 60 hours a week has already caused my personality to die a slow, horrible death then you just wait until next fall. I’ll be a virtual zombie! I can’t wait!
My acceptance means that I’m going to have to get back into college mode. This, of course, means that I have to start drinking more. (If you thought I meant studying apparently you’ve never met me). I have slowly allowed myself to get out of shape. It might even take me two tries to get that cup flipped over if I were to do it right now. And a power hour? Out of the question. I am now filled with determination to get myself back into the excellent shape I was in while attending NMU, which of course is well known for its championship caliber drinking. I’ve got a long way to go kids. Anyone who is willing to help me out in this effort to prepare myself for the rigors of going to back to school please let me know.

As I am writing this while sitting at work I can’t help but think of all the things I have learned and all the skills I have acquired because of my job with Wackenhut.

Because of Wackenhut I:
1. Can artistically write my name in several different styles (bubble, lightning bolt, block, etc) on tri-fold paper napkins.
2. Have come up with an interpretive dance to Korn’s A.D.I.D.A.S.
3. Know all the words to “Land Down Under”
4. Am a Sudoku master.
5. Can text message without looking at my phone while driving around icy corners and narrowly missing various woodland creatures.
6. Know exactly what I would do if I had a million dollars, down to the last penny.
7. Realized that I will never, ever grow out of biting my fingernails.
8. Increased my vocabulary by adding such words as “10-4”, “Copy” and “goomorninhaveagooun” That last one is my own creation. Actually, it’s just what comes out of my mouth as people come in at 5:30 am.
9. Have named all the children I will never have.
10. Discovered a cure for cancer.