America: Only The Skinny May Apply

Bridget and I went to Appleton to go shopping yesterday. I'm a fan of the style of Hollister and Abercrombie jeans so I thought I'd pick myself up some. Not happening. Can you believe that the biggest size that Abercrombie carries is a 10. A freakin' 10. And they put them on the top shelf so us "fatties" have to struggle to get them (probably as a punishment for our extreme size 10 obesity) because Lord knows that if you're "fat" you must be tall too. At Hollister the largest size is an 11, which I'm sure caused them lots of sleepless night. Should we make it 9 as to protect our image? We'd hate to have any of those normal looking people wearing our clothes, they'd ruin our rep. Nah, I guess we'll be nice to the hugers (bro Nate's word). Okay, now I would just like to say that I can wear these sizes 10 and 11, but I really don't feel like squeezing myself into a pair of jeans every morning just because they say Abercrombie. The whole experience made me very angry so it's not like I would have bought anything from there anyway. And people wonder why so many young girls have eating disorders. Well, if the cool thing to wear is Abercrombie and you have to be under 130 (being 5'11" would also help but there's a little less you can do about that) to wear Abercrombie the natural thing to do is starve yourself, right? I was so frustrated I quit shopping. Making my okay to shop there list now are American Eagle and Gap, they have options (read: Jeans for short, chunky people!).
So now I'm off to run away my fatness so I can be the perfect size 6 that society deems still too fat. Yeah, right, like I'll ever be a size 6. Like I'd ever want to. Us "fat" chicks are fun! Besides, dieting is too hard nowadays. Remember when your doctor told you to just eat less and exercise more? Now it's more along the lines of "cut out any food that might have any possibility of giving you energy. You can eat chicken, but only on sunny days. Vegetables are okay if you're in Oklahoma or Oregon, but they're extra bad if you had braces when you were in junior high. Don't even think about touching chocolate or anything else that once gave you pleasure unless you're in a city that rhymes with 'Crisco' and one parents' name is Pat. We really caution against eating fruit. In fact, you'd better stay Lemon Scented Pledge and Orange Glo just to be on the safe side. Just eat bacon for every meal and you'll be skinny in no time. Um, you don't really care if you die of a heart attack at 32, right?" Right, I can really see myself strictly adherring all the guidelines of todays fad diets. Please excuse me, I hear an entire loaf of bread calling my name.

A little add-on: I just purchased a scale and I will soon be joining the ranks of those on one of todays fad diets. *cries a little*